7 practical ways to begin growing the quality of compassion in children
Compassion and empathy are essential qualities if we as adults are going to develop care and concern about the lost and pass that on to the next generation. When I first became a mom, I thought it would be easy to raise compassionate children. It's as simple as modeling it and teaching it right? After about the first dozen times you watch your child gleefully take from another child just because it will make the other child frustrated, not because they actually WANT the toy, those hopes crumble. Yes, children are born selfish. To learn anything else is the result of prayer, consistency, and hours of modeling and encouragement. Read on to find 7 practical ways to instill compassion in children.
1. Make sure they are experiencing compassion
I often find myself more excusing of my own negative reactions due to lack of sleep, a headache, or any other number of things. Demonstrate compassion towards them in understanding the frailty of their capacity to do right. They are young, possibly not believers yet, or very new believers, having a melt down over something that's insignificant to you does not mean that it is not huge to them. Give compassion in the moment, there will be time for correction after the emotions have subsided.
2. Model compassion for them It has often been said that more is caught than taught. No where is this more true than in the realm of compassion and love. How do they hear you talking about the neighbor that always parks in front of your house, or the relative that criticizes everything you do? How about that mom with the wild kids? Or the idiot um, individual, that cut you off in traffic?
3. Disciple them in the ways of empathy
Help them to understand how their actions, words, or even facial expressions are being perceived by others. This can be as easy as asking them to put themselves in the other person's shoes. "Would you like if that was said/done to you?" "How do you think you can make your relationship with _______ right?" "How would you like to be treated?"
4. Expose them to stories of compassionate people
History and literature are FULL of stories of people sacrificing for others. Everything from the medieval Androcles and the Lion for preschoolers, to tales of Corrie ten Boom, Harriet Tubman, and Les Miserables through 1st grade to high school. These stories have been immortalized for the very reason that they develop empathy on a deep and personal level in our souls.
5. Help them connect personally
It's hard to care about what we're not close to. It just is. We live in an age of information saturation where everything shouts for our attention. A new cause is born every five minutes and we are made to feel guilty for everything from the death of the whales, to world hunger. How do we sort through all this to figure out what needs we should be giving our attention too? As Christians, we must pick through the noise to find the things close to God's heart. You don't have to read very far into the Bible to learn He cares about truth, and people. To connect personally we must know the truth on a deep and personal level, and we must become acquainted with the needs of people, both individually, and nationally. Here are some thoughts on how to do this.
Memorize scripture together
Study theology with your family (We love The Ology, a children's devotional on theological topics, and are working on memorizing The New City Catechism together)
Read and discuss the word together, our kids are young, so sometimes this is as short as 5 verses a day
Dive into learning about a variety of cultures. Learn their history, culture, sample their food, and understand their struggles. This is a large reason why I began my blog Planted Seeds. Check it out to join us in bringing a new nation to life each month.
Invite people into your life that are not like you
6. Pray Few things connect you to a concern on the deeply personal level of prayer. I believe this is because prayer does not just engage our mind, but our hearts and souls on a spiritual level. It pierces the physical world and reaches into the depths of the spiritual world. When Jesus died on the cross, several things happened at once, the earth shook, the sky was turned to darkness, and the veil in the temple was torn from top to bottom. The shroud of holiness was rent in two as Jesus' blood covered the sins of His people so that we could enter into the holiness of God and speak with our Creator. It is a grievously neglected privilege! He has invited us into His presence through prayer, how can we be too busy?
7. Don't spare them from pain
This may seem an odd addition to the list. But I have often found in my own life that some of the most painful experiences I've walked through have dug, shovelful by painful shovelful, the deepest wells of compassion and empathy. In our society, we often shield children from the little losses and disappointments. Things like a lost stuffed animal, broken toy, or pet's death, are often minimized. These little griefs are practice for the bigger griefs they will experience as they grow. Grieving well is a learned skill, it prepares us for the larger griefs we will experience as we get older and makes us more sensitive to the sorrows and concerns of others. Small grieves build within us the ability to see God's hand even in times of difficulty. Laying the ground work for trusting God to hold us through future hurts.
I hope an idea or two here has been helpful as you disciple your children. Share some ways you are developing empathy in your home!
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